The Artist's Way - Entering Week 4
A total fail at week 3 and the real possibility that I'm going to quit this project
Hello, artists!
I’m going to cut right to the chase with my summary of Week 3: I did nothing.
Okay, not nothing, but next-to nothing. I only managed morning pages once. I didn’t do any of the exercises. I did have a little artist date, which is something of a victory given how crazy a week it was.
Still, even though most of what I accomplished for Week 3 was simply reading the chapter, I am still moving ahead with Week 4. Maybe the bare minimum of doing The Artist’s Way is just reading the book!
Week 3 Recap
Morning Pages
I was at a conference from Sunday through Wednesday for my day job, which was a major obstacle to managing my Artist Way goals this week, and on top of that, there was a bonkers heat wave that made life feel mostly impossible.
I sketched while I drank my coffee on Monday and Tuesday mornings before conference activities kicked off. The only time of day cool enough for sketching was before 8:00 AM, and I decided I would rather sketch than do morning pages. Actually, on Tuesday, it was so hot, I wound up sketching inside, looking out the window. On this trip I was traveling light, no paints and no pencil, just a sketchbook and a few pens. It was quite liberating actually to dive in with indelible marks and see what happened.
Artist Date
Wednesday morning it was a few degrees cooler, so instead of sketching, I took myself on a mini-artist date. I picked up a coffee at Starbucks and then walked down the Commonwealth Avenue Mall for a few blocks before cutting over to the Esplanade and walking along the Charles River. The sun was already blazing but there was a little breeze and I enjoyed people watching and taking in the Boston and Cambridge skylines.
When I got home from the conference, I spent Thursday recovering from the heat exhaustion that had set in by Wednesday afternoon. On Friday I had hoped to get back to some semblance of routine, but a dear friend texted early that morning to tell us her much-loved poodle had died in the wee hours of the morning. Being with her mattered more than doing morning pages.
Other thoughts
So, here I am, writing this check-in on Saturday.
I will say, being at a work conference in the midst of my summer of introspection brought up some questions for me. Sometimes, in light of the important work that needs doing in our world, my art and writing does in fact seem a little frivolous and selfish at times. Listening to speakers at the conference, I found myself wondering more than once this week if it wouldn’t be better to put my time and talents more fully toward the work I do as an educator. Maybe, instead of worrying about creating more space in my life for creativity, I should be doubling down on being a better teacher. Or, maybe, I should be broadening my role from classroom teacher to educational leader in some wider capacity. I am, after all, very passionate about the importance of education and also very aware of how much change is needed in education.
But, when I try to imagine my life as an administrator or something like that, it feels wrong. As much as I am passionate about and invested in teaching, I don’t want “educator” to be my whole identity. Actually, I am certain that my many interests and hobbies outside the classroom make me a better teacher. And maybe actually it is enough to change my world as a classroom teacher, without trying to change the whole world.
So even though I wasn’t writing morning pages this week, I was thinking through this stuff, pondering what I would write in my pages if I had a chance, and that’s pretty much what I came up with. Being a teacher who also has a vibrant creative practice is what I want for myself. That’s enough for me.
Looking ahead to Week 4
Okay, time to be totally honest: With each passing chapter, I find myself more and more annoyed by this book. I realize that might be a me problem. As I discussed in previous weeks, I am not a “blocked” artist. I don’t need “recovery” as an artist.
For instance, the “Buried Dreams” exercise on page 86. I don’t need that. I am absolutely not trying to take on any more hobbies, interests, etc. I am trying to organize my life to better support the abundance of creative interests I already practice. If I felt some inner tug to be more creative but wasn’t sure how, then an exercise like that would make sense, but I already paint, play guitar and sing, write, bake bread, etc.
When I decided to do the artist’s way this summer, I was looking for some guided reflection and structure to think through my creative practice, but this program is all about finding one’s way back to being creative, back to being an artist. That’s honestly not a program I need.
In fact, this all seems to be taking time away from my actual art practice. I started this endeavor worried that I wasn’t being mindful and deliberate enough about my art, and I suppose to be more intentional means spending more time thinking about what I’m doing, and that might take time away from actually making art, but…
And another thing: Cameron writes as if her ways is THE ONE AND ONLY path to finding one’s inner truth and creativity. If there’s one thing I know for sure, there is no one right way way to become an artist, and there is no one right path. Cameron’s constant insistence that doing what she tells us to do will lead to profound changes and amazing outcomes is tiresome. Somewhere in a previous chapter, she did say it was okay to skeptical. Well, good. I’m pretty skeptical.
I have read quite a few self-help books and books about creativity over the years, and this one feels outdated. Her list of things people will do if they stop reading for a week is comical. In the year 2025, people will pick up their phones and scroll. For most people that activity has already replaced reading. Maybe the reading deprivation would be better revised as screen deprivation.
It also feels like a book that was written by someone who isn’t a psychiatrist or psychologist or whatever. Nothing in it is grounded in empirical evidence. It’s all Cameron’s experience and occasional anecdotes. It’s my nature to rebel against authority and her constant voice of authority grates on me. Back that authority up with some data, woman!
So here’s the short and long of my feelings on this book/program right now: I’m coming dangerously close to hate reading, and life is way too short for that. Despite my publicly stated intention to see this through for all 12 weeks, I will quit if my experience crosses fully over to hate reading. I’m going to give it two more weeks, and if I’m still feeling this way after Week 6, I’m out.
Game Plan for Week 4
I will return to writing morning pages most days.
I will go on an artist date.
I am not committing to doing any of the tasks at this time. I might use some as morning pages prompts, but I’m not making any promises.
I am absolutely not doing reading deprivation. I do understand what Cameron means about silencing the voices that drown out our own. I am very intentional about what podcasts and audiobooks I listen to these days because a couple of years ago I felt like there was too much noise and too many voices clambering for my attention at all times, but reading is actually where I find inspiration. Beautiful books make me want to write beautiful books. And anyway, if I don’t have a book to read, I’ll just end up watching TV in my spare time. Reading doesn’t take away from my time creating. It enhances it.
So, how’s it going for you? Are you finding morning pages helpful? How are Artist Dates going?
As I mentioned before, I used this book several years ago to come back to making art. I do like a structured program (in case you are wondering, I attended your NaNoWriMo class and really appreciated the permission you gave to start small!) This time around I am trying to figure out my next step in growing my art practice, giving myself time and space within a busy schedule. Last week, the section on criticism helped me identify why I was not working with some unfinished pieces. It was the criticism/feedback that had been given that had changed it into something I no longer want to pursue. So I decided to let those pieces go. I will use the bits of the Artists Way that are helpful to guide this process. For Week 4, I am choosing only Task 4 to think about. The quote that resonated with me is "If you want to work on your art, work on your life."