The Artist's Way - Entering Week 3
Reflections on week 2 and the plan for week 3
Hello, friends!
I have survived week 2 of The Artist’s Way. I can’t say I’ve had any massive light bulb moments just yet, but at least it hasn’t even been too taxing. I hope it’s going well for you, too!
I also have to pause to brag for a minute. I learned on Friday that my painting, “Pocasset,” which I painted on the beach last week, was accepted into the New England Watercolor Society Celebrating New England show. It will be on view at Plymouth Center for the Arts from July 11 to September 3.
Week 2 Recap
Morning Pages
I once again managed morning pages most days but not every day. My bare minimum goal was 4 of 7 days (most days) and I exceeded that. What I found interesting this week was how morning pages helped me talk myself out of some funky moods.
For instance, Monday was a gorgeous day, an absolutely perfect, blue-sky, cool breeze, warm sun kind of a day, and that was most welcome after a weekend of cold rain. It was also the day of my weekly plein air group meet up. And yet, for some reason, I woke up in a funk. I found myself deliberating if I should even go the meet up, despite the beautiful weather, because last year when we went to the same location, I found it hard to choose a subject matter. I like scenes with structures and variety and we were meeting at an arboretum that, while beautiful, just mostly just a lot of trees. I started hearing that doubting voice in my head saying if I were a real artist I could make art of anything and it wouldn’t matter, but I just must not be good enough, blah, blah, blah. But through morning pages, I wrote my way to a plan to have a good day and join my group in lovely setting on a beautiful day. I decided to use the session for experimentation and tried some techniques I haven’t used for plein air before.
Similarly, I wrote my way to a better mental state on Tuesday, my birthday!, which turned out to be rainy and awful weather. All the plans I had for the day were outdoor plans, and the weather properly ruined that. I wouldn’t say I was wallowing—to be honest, I’m not big on birthday celebrations—but I was a little sad because I was excited for things we had intended to do. But through my morning pages, I motivated myself to make the most of the day anyway.
Artist Date
Okay, this week I ran into some issues around my Artist Date, primarily trying to figure out what counts as an Artist Date. As I said last week, I am really good at doing stuff alone. I do loads of stuff alone. I have two contenders in this week’s solo outings, and both, to my dismay, involve shopping.
Option 1: A visit to C.C. Lowell, the local art supply store. On my birthday, after spending the morning doing one of my things from exercise 8, “Ten Tiny Changes,” I decided to go wander around the art supply store and see if there was anything I might need. Actually, I think you and I both know I definitely don’t need any more art supplies, but that was sort of the point. Normally I only go to C.C. Lowell with a list of specific items I need to restock, but this was a meandering trip on which I treated myself to some stickers to decorate my sketchbook and two new pens. Maybe that was my artist date?
Option 2: A trip Barnes and Noble to escape the heat and humidity in the air conditioning and browse books. I don’t really browse bookstores much these days. I usually just browse my Libby app for library books I can read on my Kindle. I really enjoyed wandering the store and looking at the displays, as well as dawdling over the gift/craft stuff they sell. I could resist some washi tape called “Books on Tape” It’s washi tape with literary classics printed on it! I went with the “banned and scandalous” option, which has quotes from “The Great Gatsby,” “The Age of Innocence,” and “The Scarlet Letter.” So maybe that was my artist date?
Option 3: A long backroads driving with the windows down, singing along to my playlist at the top of my lungs. I had a lovely day Friday. I met up with one of my favorite people who I hadn’t seen since pre-pandemic days. We got together for lunch in one of my favorite places, Northampton, MA. I can drive from my house in Worcester to Northampton entirely on backroads, no interstate required. It adds maybe 10 to 15 minutes to the drive, and since one of my words of the year is unhurried, what’s 10 to to 15 minutes anyway? Enjoying a gorgeous day via a scenic byway is one of my favorite things to do, and singing in the car is one of my greatest pleasures in life, so perhaps that hour and twenty minutes was my artist date? After all, in the words of Maren Morris, “But I find holy redemption when I put this car in drive / Roll the windows down and turn up the dial.”
Exercises I attempted:
Affirmative reading. I had middling success remember to reread the Basic Principles each day. I read them Sunday through Wednesday morning before writing my morning pages, but I never read them at night. Honestly. I find them kind of redundant and a little too woo-woo. Whatevs.
& 4. List twenty things you enjoy and do some of them. I did this exercise and it revealed what I think I already knew: I am pretty good at doing the things I enjoy and doing them often. I am childless by choice and I find TV boring. I like being active and doing things. The hard part was thinking of twenty things. I mean, I have A LOT of hobbies. I mean A LOT. I write, I play guitar and sing, I paint, I bake sourdough bread and other baked goods, I garden, I rock climb, I mountain bike, I ski, I swim. I already barely have time to fit in all those things (but lately the only thing I want to do in my free time is paint). I had the dig deep to find twenty things, but there was nothing on there that I have refrained from for more than 6 months, and some of them were seasonal. Does this mean I actually don’t need a course creative recovery? Anyway, “day trip to Western MA” was item 20 on my list, and that was the thing with the farthest date since last completed, but I went to Northampton past Friday to meet a friend, so that’s exercise 4 accomplished!
Write out an affirmation five times while doing morning pages. I remembered to do this Sunday through Wednesday. I didn’t do morning pages Thursday. Friday I did morning pages but forgot affirmations.
through 10: Ten Tiny Changes. I did make a list of ten tiny changes and I did try to implement one.
How did week 2 go for you? Any lightbulb moments? Any challenges? Any big questions come to the surface? Let me know in the comments!
Looking ahead to week 3
Week 3 is definitely going to pose some challenges for me logistically. From Sunday to Wednesday, I am attending a conference for work. Nonetheless, I will do my best to stick with the program here!
Week 3 is about “recovering a sense of power,” which seems to mean learning how to use our anger to inspire action and understanding when and why we feel shame so that we can stop letting shame hold us back.
To be honest, I found this chapter sort of disjointed, leaping from anger to synchronicity to shame to criticism. There are plenty of nuggets of wisdom in there, and I guess they all add up to feeling empowered.
My favorite quote: “Anger is meant to be acted upon. It is not meant to be acted out.”
I like the idea of anger as a tool that we can use to guide us, to show us where our boundaries and passions are, but is it just me or are the “anger” examples Cameron gives (page 62 in my book) actually examples of bitterness and jealousy?
It seems to me like she’s skipped a step. When one feels bitter and jealous, perhaps the real emotion is anger at oneself, lurking under the superficial initial reaction.
Other things that stood out to me:
The stuff about synchronicity annoyed me. I do not believe the universe is sending anyone signs. I do not believe in an interventionist God. I’m a bit more of an existentialist than that. Things have meaning because human beings invest them with meaning. I don’t get signs from the universe; rather, I interpret the things I experience. And in how I interpret them, I have choices. I can choose to see a success as a fluke or happenstance or I can choose to see it as a fitting result of hard work. Synchronicity, then, in a matter of my chosen interpretation, not a specific cosmic design for me.
I do, however, agree wholeheartedly with Cameron about shame, self-sabotage, and criticism. An unfortunate reality of life is that we have all been shamed by others at times in our lives and most of us have probably internalized some of the shame. One of my favorite thinkers on the topic of shame is Brene Brown. Her TED talk is particularly powerful.
Criticism, even well-meaning criticism from well-meaning people, can absolutely trigger a shame spiral. I have learned over the years to be very careful about whom I trust for criticism, because I know that the wrong criticism can cause me to shut down completely. I like Cameron’s advice for accepting criticism, but I’d go further: If you are a beginner, guard against criticism. When someone tries to criticize you, shout at the top of your lungs, “I AM A BEGINNER” and drown them out. Beginners are often so eager for criticism. I have often been asked my beginner writers for “feedback” and from beginner artists for “my thoughts.” What those people really want is encouragement, and that is easy for me to give. They should keep going!
I can recall all of the hurtful and cutting pieces of “criticism” I have received at writing groups and workshops when I was beginner. I wanted someone to tell me my voice was worth exploring, but more often I got exactly what I asked for: My errors and failings (at least in the eyes of these particular criticis) pointed out to me in harsh terms.
Once, I submitted some poems to a literary journal that prided itself on the fact that every submitter got personal feedback. When my self-addressed, stamped envelope came back to me, turning my rejected poems, it included a handwritten note on plain white paper (no letterhead, no formality, not even a salutation) that said simply: “The only piece of feedback I can offer is that poetry should not should like prose.”
A few years later, when I was applying to a highly selective MFA program, I said to someone that I should be able to write a good personal statement as I literally teach other people to write college essays and personal statements. This person said back to me, without a hint of irony or humor, “Well, those who can do, and those who can’t teach.”
Another time, at a writing workshop, I was trying to articulate an idea I had for a poem. Another participant said, “That’s a good idea. Too bad poems are made of words and not ideas.”
I could go on. The fact that my novels have won awards and that they have lots of kind and thoughtful reviews online doesn’t change the fact that I still remember all the unhelpful and hurtful criticisms I have received along the way.
One of my central questions this summer, a thing I’m hoping my morning pages will help me sort out, is why I have lost interest in writing fiction. Maybe it’s because I’m just so tired of criticisms like those I just mentioned. Cameron writes that “sudden disinterest… is a routine coping device employed to deny paint and ward off vulnerability”(68). Yep. That sounds right.
And a final quote that caught my attention: “The antidote to shame is self-love and self-praise.” (71)
Game plan for week 3
Continue doing morning pages most days.
Go on an artist date.
Complete the “Detective Work” exercise pages 73-74
From the list of other tasks: I will focus on the tasks that involve listing people, and I’ll probably skip the rest.
I recently read “Atomic Habits,” so I don’t need to do number 4 right now. Been there done that.
I frankly feel like dwelling on who I was as a child. I have reflected on that a lot. I’m over it.
But I will make a list of friends who nurture me, and I will make a list of people I admire (I’m honestly not sure what the difference is between those I admire and those I secretly admire, but maybe through writing, I’ll figure it out). I’ll also make a list of five people I wish I had met who are dead, and five people who are dead who I’d like to hang out (again, not totally sure how those things are different.
So that’s it for me. What’s your plan for week 3? What stood out to you in the chapter?What are you look forward to? What obstacles do you anticipate?
To learn more about my writing and art, please visit my website, www.dvmulligan.com.