The Artist' Way - Entering Week 5
Airy fairy ideas and, oh yeah, I definitely fall into the Virtue Trap
Week 4 Recap
Hello, artists!
I hope everyone is doing well out there, being creative and making the most of long summer days. A big thanks to those who took the time to reach out after my Week 4 post to assure me that I shouldn’t abandon my creative pursuits and that I don’t have to choose between being a good teacher and a writer and artist. Generally, I assume no one reads what I write here (or anywhere), so to be honest, I was pretty surprised by the swiftness of responses, and I was grateful.
Week 4 definitely went better than Week 3 for me. I managed to do my morning pages most days. In fact, taking my coffee to my desk to write my morning pages has begun to feel automatic. I don’t know that I’ve had any epic insights, but it does feel good to get back into the routine of clearing my mind by writing in the morning.
I also definitely had my best Artist Date so far. I had an appointment in the Boston area on July 3, so I made a day of it. I drove in early and went to the Arnold Arboretum to do some sketching. The Arboretum is gorgeous but not the type of landscape that I usually gravitate toward for sketching. I like to have buildings in my sketches, not just loads of greenery, but it was forecast to be another extremely hot day, and I thought the Arboretum was probably my coolest option short of going down to the harbor, which is on the opposite side of Boston from where I needed to be. And also, there’s loads of free parking by the Arboretum, so…
I had a good wander and went to some corners I hadn’t previously explored, and I found a lovely spot in the shade for a quick sketch. It was delightful. Here’s a little reel I made about it.
The Arboretum was designed by Frederick Law Olmstead, who happens to be one of my favorite figures from American art history. Funnily enough I am currently reading The Devil in the White City, a history in which he plays a significant part as the designer of the grounds for the Columbian Exposition of 1893 (AKA the Chicago World’s Fair), so it was especially amusing to think of him designed the experience he wanted people to have at the Arboretum as I strolled around, since I’ve been reading so much about him.
After my morning at the Arboretum I headed to Coolidge Corner, my old stomping grounds from graduate school days. I got lunch, went to multiple stationary stores and a bookstore, and stopped at a fabulous farmer’s market, and then I headed down Beacon Street to Tatte for an afternoon pick-me-up and one more sketch before my appointment. While it was hot out, there was a gorgeous breeze and it was, all in all, a fine summer day.
I didn’t think about the theme of Week 4 at all, but nonetheless, I’d say Week 4 was a good one.
Looking Ahead to Week 5
I am very much of two minds about week 5. I was immediately excited by the theme, “Recovering a Sense of Possibility,” because I think I have quite a lot of limiting beliefs that I need to work on, but then the first part of the chapter was all about how God will provide.
As I said last week, I don’t believe in an interventionist God. I’m more the clockmaker school. God set the world in motion and the rest of is up to us. Cameron says God will provide, but my thinking is something more like this: God did provide and people went ahead and ruined it all and now we’re out here on our own.
Early in the chapter, anticipating objections from the reader, Cameron does clarify that it’s up to us to do the work, giving this bit of wisdom, “In other words, pray to catch the bus, then run as fast as you can,” which is a fun spin on one of my favorite quotes from St. Ignatius, “Pray as if everything depends on God, act as if everything depends on you.” But after that brief reminder that the work is up to the artist, she spends pages and pages insisting God will provide.
Later, again anticipating objections, she writes, “If this all sounds airy fairy to you,” and I literally wrote in the margin, YES.
Then again, I certainly doesn’t hurt to pray. Prayer might not make my dreams come true, but if I’m already doing the work anyway (and I sure am), then I guess adding some prayer to mix is worth a shot.
Actually, I think what I need is not so much faith in God but faith in myself. Maybe if I had more faith that I could write a bestseller, I would write a bestseller. Maybe in fact I can’t write a bestseller until I believe that I can write a bestseller. Instead of letting the narrative be that I will always have to support my creative pursuits with a day job and therefore my writing and art will forever be mere hobbies, maybe I should let the narrative be that with hard work and faith, anything is possible.
Except I don’t believe that. Based on past experience and a basic understanding of the reality of things like the publishing industry, I actually do not believe that hard work and faith are enough. Nor do I believe talent is enough. You also need connections (and I have none) and luck (which I guess is where faith comes in).
I also don’t believe the act of writing morning pages magically changes a person. Cameron goes on and on about how much a devoted follower of the Artist’s Way is already changing by week 5 thanks to morning pages magically making us better people. Bullshit. Morning pages are as likely to reinforce judgements and negative thought patterns as to undo them.
That said, she definitely is onto something with The Virtue Trap.
She begins by arguing for the importance of periods of solitude for an artist, and I wholeheartedly agree, and then she considers the way we self-sabotage, denying ourselves that solitude in the name of playing nice.
A quote that stood out to me: “We strive to be good, to be nice, to be helpful, to be unselfish. We want to be generous, of service, of the world, But what we really want is to be left alone.”
Funny story: Once I was at a professional development thing thing and chatting with a woman in my cohort whom I had just met. I said something about how happy I was to have a hotel room to myself and how all I wanted for a few days was for no one to bother me. She smiled, nodded, and asked, “How many kids do you have?”
“None!” I said.
And then she just looked at my quizzically, as my desire to be left alone no longer made sense. If I wasn’t taking refuge from demanding children, then whose bother was escaping? Everyone’s.
I am, generally, an extrovert, but I am also an artist, and I desperately need quiet downtime. It’s a balance of social interaction and solitary introspection that I require.
This tension of the virtue trap is exactly what I was describing last week when I wrote about feeling as if I should give up my “selfish” creative pursuits and focus on the work I do as an educator. Should I be “good” and “of use” or should I be “selfish” and make art, which requires solitude? Don’t worry, friends, I know in my rational mind it’s a false dichotomy . But that doesn’t mean my irrational mind isn’t going to keep bring it up.
Game Plan for Week 5
I will continue doing morning pages most days. If I can remember to pause before bed and jot some things down, I might try to idea Cameron offers on page 94: “At night, before we fall asleep, we can list areas in which we need guidance. In the morning, writing on these same topics, we find ourselves seeing previously unseen avenues of approach.”
I will go on an Artist Date (although these artist dates are proving detrimental to both my intention to eat healthy and my intention to stop buying things I don’t really need).
I might delve into some of the tasks, but if past weeks are any indicator, probably not. Several of the tasks amount to making a vision board, and that really is too airy fairy for me. I’m not a vision board kind of girl. Reading through the exercises this week, I feel like there’s a lot of redundancy with the weeks 1 and 2 tasks. I ain’t got time for that.
I’d love to know how your journey on The Artist’s Way is going if you’re also following along on this path. Any lightbulb moments for you so far? Any areas where you feel a lot of resistance? Favorite quotes? Fun artist dates? Send me a message or say hi in the comments!
Cheers!
Diane
I really enjoy your posts, and this one may be my favorite! Keep writing and sketching!! You bring joy with it.
I don’t take time to read all the blogs I I think I can, but very glad I read this. Enjoyed the pursuit of adding sketch time onto appts and identify with struggles with usefulness. Thanks!